Five Years— Gabriel Tallmage

2 Dec

Today, December 2nd marks five years since George and I lost our first son. Many of you know the story… some of you do not. Sometimes it helps me to tell it so I am going to share it with those of you who don’t… it also allows me to recognize such an important person in my life…

On December 1, 2005, I went into my OBGYN for a regular 14-week check-up and ultrasound on George and I’s first child. George was not able to go with me to this appt b/c he was hard at work. I went in, just expecting a normal checkup and found out that our little bambino had passed away. I of course was a basket case and was told that since I was in my second trimester (barely!) that I would have to deliver the baby. I would have to be induced into labor and go through labor and deliver… only my baby would not be able to move, or breath, or look at me. 

The doctor’s told me I could choose when I wanted to enter the hospital and start the meds that would induce my labor…

I walked outside the doctors office, got in my car and called George. By this time it was well after 5pm and he was still at work… 30-45 minutes away from the doctors office. I called him… balling… he couldnt understand me much but finally got the drift. He knew that I was in no shape to drive and called my parents and his mom. They all rushed up to the dr’s office and cried with me until George got there to drive me home.

The next few hours are still sort of a blur but I remember tons of people coming over to say how sorry they were and sit with me. I dont remember really talking to anyone… I’m sure George did all that for me. George and I made the decision to go to the hospital the next day, December 2nd, to induce labor.

The following morning we went into the hospital and at 8:30 that night Gabriel Alexander Tallmage arrived. He was only a few ounces and just 11.5 centemeters long. I remember not knowing for sure if I would want to see him (mind you, we did not know the sex until he arrived) because I did not want to look at something that may not be developed enough… but he was. He was all legs… really long legs, tiny features and perfect. Just too early and too small!

The doctor that delivered him allowed us to hold him for a while. I am glad that I was able to spend time with him. Even if he couldnt go home with his parents, he was still mine, my little perfect angel that God just wanted to have up in Heaven with Him.

Our family got to see him as well… and hold him if they wanted. George and I chose to let them see him away from us.

What’s funny is that when Dr. Norton said he was a boy, I wasnt surprised. I knew all along he was a boy… and George and I already had his name picked out almost from the very minute we found out I was pregnant. I wanted to name him Gabriel after my Dad and stepmoms son that passed away… pretty much the same way that my Gabriel did… except my stepmom, Heather, was much farther along in her pregnancy. George wanted a strong middle name so we chose Alexander.

I remember after he was born, George and I discussed if we wanted to save that name for another baby or still give it to him. Without much hesitation, we knew it was always his name…

We had Gabriel cremmated. I could not bare having him barried because then I wouldnt want to move away from Beaufort. He was placed in a perfect tiny urn with white doves on it.

I know now that everything happens for a reason and although 5 years ago was by far the worst struggle and saddness I have ever had to bare… God allowed it to happen to George and I for a reason. And without Gabriel, I would not have Peyton. I also believe that now… because of Gabriel… I appreciate my children more. And it strengthened George and I’s relationship as well!

Everything happens for a reason….

One Response to “Five Years— Gabriel Tallmage”

  1. Lisa December 2, 2010 at 2:26 pm #

    praying for you guys today. Glad you could write about this and have the good memories as well as the heartache to always remind you that God is faithful.

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